Unlock the power of meaningful conversations with the students and children in your life using the Restorative Questions. Not only are they extremely useful in resolving conflicts, but these questions elevate everyday moments into opportunities for connection and growth. Whether in the classroom, at home, or on the go, restorative practices foster understanding and strengthen relationships. Discover how these simple yet profound questions can enrich your interactions and empower young minds. Start your journey towards more impactful conversations today!
The questions, also called Affective Questions on the restorative practices continuum, follow a structured dialogue:
- What happened?
- What were you thinking of at the time?
- What have you thought about since?
- Who has been affected by what you have done? In what way?
- What do you think you need to do to make things right?
Our faculty and staff offered several ways to reframe the Restorative Questions, many of which they use with their families and children or in their own classrooms.
Use the questions proactively.
Don’t wait for a good conversation to happen! While the original questions are presented in a responsive format, making them proactive is a simple switch. Encourage turn-taking and active listening while you ask:
- What’s going well for you this week?
- Has anyone helped you recently? How?
- What’s something kind you’ve done lately?
Think about this: adults and teachers can use these questions proactively when witnessing random acts of kindness from students, such as a student helping a classmate in the hallway or lunchroom. The questions can remind adults to catch students doing "the right thing" and reinforce those positive behaviors with students.
Try the conversation out as a role-play.
Another proactive approach is interactive role-play to practice responding appropriately. Present hypothetical situations or common school scenarios (e.g., someone takes a toy, cuts in line). Then ask the group to role-play using the questions to resolve it. This makes the process fun and memorable while allowing children to reflect on how they would respond in any given situation.
Make the questions accessible.
Printing the Restorative Questions on the back of staff and student ID badges makes them easy to access and keeps them top of mind. Many conflicts happen in non-classroom spaces (e.g., recess, sports practices, school events, hallways, etc.) This approach is especially helpful when children and adults are emotionally dysregulated. In moments of stress, we are the least likely to be able to think clearly, and having the questions on hand without having to remember something from a training or a poster in a classroom can quickly redirect a tense conversation to a productive resolution.
Use them as a book reflection.
As you read a story with your child, pause along the way to ask the Restorative Questions and reflect more deeply on the moral of the story. Consider asking:
- What happened?
- What do you think they were thinking or feeling?
- Who was impacted and how?
- What could they do to make things right? Or, what did they do to make things right, fix the problem, or move forward?
This approach introduces the questions in a thoughtful way and helps them feel more approachable, which helps ease the tension when they are used with children to process a challenging situation in the future.
Most importantly, ask often and listen well with intention.
Part of feeling a true sense of belonging is having our voices heard. When students and youth in general have the opportunity to tell their stories, a light shines from them. Using the questions in moments of celebration will not only highlight the joys but also build a stronger connection. “This person cares what I have to say,” can easily become, “I’m having a problem and need that person who cares.”
Young people need adults to be present with them in the moment. Talking with children proactively or responsively, their support system wants to know what's happening in their life, how they feel, what they are thinking, and its impact on themselves and those in their lives. In responsive moments, the questions are focused on challenges and perhaps the need to make something better. In proactive discussions, the questions are focused on successes and joys. Either way, the questions serve as a guide in opening an authentic space to talk.
The first question, “What happened?” can apply to any situation: family, friends, children, coworkers. It can serve as the first response when someone shares joy, sorrow, frustration, or unexpected news. It does two things: it invites this person to share their story, and it reminds us to listen and provide space for them to share their experience.
